so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
