Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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