Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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