if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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