I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.