i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably