apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.