call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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