why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
