I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
