When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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