I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize