I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
