I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
