i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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