Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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