all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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