non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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