My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
