Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
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Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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