youre lurking in front of me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
