Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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