Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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