Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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