I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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