He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
