What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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