There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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