Who wears a wallet chain?!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
