dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
