i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need a beard to bite.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
