last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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