My hand turned me down
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
