i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
