ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
