i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
