I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
