and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
