This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
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You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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