I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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