Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
