the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
