Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
