New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
