Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
