in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
