This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
