i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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