Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
