yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
