Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
