She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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