Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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