I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
