If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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