The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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