His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're breaking my sexual little heart
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
