so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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