Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize