id be glad to
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
