you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize