I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
