you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
