Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
