Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
