Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
