At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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