We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
