are you so shy because you have an std?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
