totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
