It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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