I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
