any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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