Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
