So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
