I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
