So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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