I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
